You Can't Read This and You Can't Hear Me!

I'm a fan of linguistics, language, and tonality and the incredible effects they have on our behavior. Not only the behavior of others but also of ourselves. Recently while conducting some research I was reminded of how often we communicate with words that send the wrong message. Not literally or logically but on a subconscious level because of something very real called Internal Representation.

For example, picture what I'm about to write: That boy saw the ball in the swimming pool.
- I can imagine that you are "seeing" a boy, some sparkling blue water and a ball. Of course you are.

Now, picture this: That boy cannot see the ball in the swimming pool.
-I'll bet that once again you are "seeing" a boy, some sparkling blue water and a ball. Am I right?

The reason this happens is because our brain refuses to process "negatives" in language in the same manner or with the same meaning as when we speak, write or read. Our brain pictures language. So, even though the above statements are logically opposite, the brain creates an identical Internal Representation because in order to comprehend the boy NOT seeing the ball, you must first visualize the ball that he cannot see.

Why is this important? Think about your children for example. How often are we guilty of vocalizing negatives like, "Don't do 'that' anymore." Or, "Don't be disrespectful or you will be disciplined." Now, picture the Internal Representation we create in our children's behavior with that sort of embedded command. In essence, we can be sending mixed signals of "do that," and "be disrespectful and be disciplined."

Imagine the life-changing attitude adjustments we will create when we focus on the words we use. Would your child look at you strange if you said, "Imagine what would happen if you did 'this positive behavior?'" Or, "When you obey what I'm asking you, great things will happen." It's perfectly fine if they "pause" for a moment because you caught them off-guard with your "new" way of speaking. It's a pattern interrupt and while they may not understand it consciously, you're really scrambling some eggs on the inside... and I mean that in a great way.

I know it sounds a bit strange but can you see how pleasant your life and your children's lives will be when they receive from you, the encouraging and expected outcome that you intend because the directions are both consciously and subconsciously focused on positive behavior?

Test it yourself at home. Think about what you find yourself saying repeatedly to your children and create another way to send the positive form of that message that enforces the appropriate response in behavior that you're aiming for.

It all ties back to why I tell my daughter to Be Amazing. It's an ambiguous phrase but it sends messages on several levels. On a subconscious level it's believed that you must already be amazing in order to "be" amazing. Most importantly, the response I get from her is all the evidence I need that the message has been firmly "anchored" in her mind that since she is created in the image of Christ, she is truly amazing. That's a great thing... isn't it?

I'm going to write more later regarding how this can and should be applied in the workplace. It's difficult to imagine how anyone can be successful without learning these basic skills and I'm surprised by how many massive companies are struggling to achieve peak performance because of minor, misunderstandings in their communication.

Be Amazing Today!

-Frank Chimento